just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize