goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
