Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
