Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
