Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
