The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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