I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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