I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize