I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
