i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I want to be your penis for a week.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
