she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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