Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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