i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
