Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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