$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
