I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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