U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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