like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
