Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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