if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize