My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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