What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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