This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
