I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
