When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
