I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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