I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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