Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
