I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
