There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
