i already hear my dad disowning me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize