Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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