i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
