capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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