I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
