Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
