I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
