glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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