Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
