How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
