dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
