Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
