she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
