i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
as a side note pls kill me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
