Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
