so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
