if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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