My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i now understand why vodka
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
