peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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