I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
