i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
