It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
