Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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