I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
