He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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