And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
