I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
whose parrot is this?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
