used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
