watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize