I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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