Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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