I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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