How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
