I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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