This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
