If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
