I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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