i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My day in three words: secret purse cake
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
