I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
