Your dad touched me again.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
