He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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