No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
