That's when you crack a 10am beer
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
