I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
