I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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