Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
