i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
