I need help removing her.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
