I wish my penis had an off switch
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
