You really coming over, don't trick.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize