He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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