kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
