how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
