i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize