Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
