im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
